Betrayal trauma occurs when one partner is betrayed by another in a sexual way and/or relational way with the use of pornography and people. This most often stems from an intimacy disorder which causes an attachment rupture between husband and wife. Through coaching partners find a safety plan to consist of: building a healthy sense of self, tools like boundary work, trigger identification and management, fight-flight-freeze regulation techniques, working through the grieving process, and working through the emotional impact. Goals can then be established based on your dreams for your life. You will not be shamed or blamed if things move slowly. The road is long but worth it!
We offer individual and group support for women.
We also offer a Disclosure Process which includes 12-15 coaching sessions prior to Disclosure, four days with two coaches or counselors assisting through Disclosure and Rebuilding, and Couples Work following Disclosure.
Before any work begins we take time to assess your safety in all areas of life. We also measure your trauma to identify where you have been most affected by Betrayal Trauma.
Sometimes before we even begin there must be a focus on helping calm the sympathetic nervous system from constant fight, flight, freeze responses.
The goal is not to suffer through until you die but to be okay either way. No matter what the outcome of your marriage it is our hope that you as an individual be survive and be well . We do not elevate the institution of marriage above the safety and wellness of individuals. Knowing what you need to heal and feel emotionally safe is our starting point.
We start with self-entertainment boundary work before we work on external boundaries
We assist in identifying values and building boundaries around them. We then practice what this will look like in a practical way.
We assist in coaching clients through complex issues often involving more than one addiction or mental health diagnosis.
We assist in writing impact letters. These letters can often be used to indicate where trauma is hiding and assist in reducing triggers with brainspotting.
Brainspotting is used to assist you into deeper unconscious spaces where grief resides. This can bring healing and allow for difficult emotions in a safe space.
We assist in helping you establish safety and stability for your children. We also coach partners through how to help their children through separation and divorce.
Once healing and strength have taken hold we begin to encourage you to dream and use your voice again. We use vision boarding to draft what your new normal and future hopes and dreams will look like.
In this video I the different ways our brains can respond to trauma and betrayal. I talk about why reactions and responses can vary when we find ourselves on different pages as spouses.
Isy describes how brainspotting helped her surrender and heal. She details a faith encounter where she is able to work through her deep wounding and release her pain.